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What do you do when you find out he’s having an affair?

Published: 23rd January 2007 - Category: Separation and Divorce - Author: Lynne Bastow

The agony of discovering that your partner has been unfaithful leaves you with a big unanswered question. What am I going to do about it?

The Choices

  1. Nothing.
    This is the preferred choice of the financially and emotionally dependent and the desperate.
  2. Confront him/her with a view to saving your relationship.
    This is for those who still love their partner or for those who need to win him/her back from his/her new lover and then dump him/her. You may not realise this is your agenda, one woman who has gone through such a scenario, wrote an excellent five part series in The Daily Telegraph.
  3. Confront him/her and end the relationship!
    This my preference because:
    a) Everything is harder the first time you do it. Remember learning to drive? A second affair is easier to justify to yourself than a first. Men/women who stray, tend to stray again. There are plenty of celebrity examples.
    b) There will always be people out there who prefer winning someone else’s love, if your partner can’t resist temptation now, what’s going to change? I know a woman who is married to an extremely rich and successful business man. She spends her life shopping for luxuries and always looks fantastic. He, by contrast, looks vile. When friends have suggested to her that she should apply her skills to his wardrobe and appearance she refuses, estimating that she cuts out at least 75% of the potential man-eaters by making him look unattractive!
    c) If you take your partner back he/she is expected to be repentant and grateful. Frequently they are not, and you become jealous, possessive, spiteful and vengeful.
    d) Not many people manage to rebuild trust, without which your relationship is doomed, unless of course you plan to spend every minute following your partner which is very creepy. Contrary to what some people think, hiring a private detective is not acceptable behaviour nor is it conducive to a loving relationship. Also, when do you stop? After 3 months? A year? You can never be sure again.

It can take a long time to come to terms with your partner’s betrayal and often people try to work things out for at least two years. Sadly, many then decide that there is nothing left worth saving and seek a divorce.

Lynne Bastow - Divorce Solicitor

Meet Lynne Bastow

With over 20 years experience, Lynne can provide excellent and valuable advice and has a friendly, positive approach towards all her clients, ensuring you get the best service possible. If you would like my help you can contact me here. Contact Lynne

Read Lynne's Books

If you need more information on divorce, Lynne has published two informative guides on divorce, which you can purchase from Amazon.

The Little Book of Divorce

The Little Book of Divorce

Buy on Amazon
The Little Book of Divorce Dilemmas

The Little Book of Divorce Dilemmas

Buy on Amazon


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