Rather like selecting your favourite friends on Facebook, work out who you love before you launch yourself into a battle over money, the car, who keeps the house, the wedding album and so on. Some people are very good at starting again, some people are very bad…
Isn’t it obvious who you love?
You would think so but probably not. My four year old son has a top ten chart of the people he loves and if I try to make him eat his vegetables he tells me that I am off the scale and reduced to zero. Children are adept at such emotional blackmail but the upside is it focuses his mind on the people he wants to see most. My mother is currently his number one so consequently due to him claiming he misses her we have now booked flights for her to visit.
The reason to work out this list is not only to ensure that you protect your loved ones as much as you can from any fall out from your divorce and separation but also to ensure that you spend your time with the people who matter most to you – no more duty funerals and obligatory suppers with people you grew out of years ago.
What if my number one does not want me?
If your spouse is your number one and he/she is determined to proceed with a divorce you need to spend time with the rest of the people on your list to avoid feeling totally lost and alone. Accept that the number one spot will be vacant for a while but not forever… your choice!
Oh, and give yourself a mini treat every three hours to try to raise your spirits, this is a good idea regardless of your emotional state, keeps me happy anyway!